After much back and forth, I have finally decided to go ahead and share a talk that I was initially afraid to give.
In this talk I share my personal journey with the idea that we—as human beings—are all endowed with a true, authentic, core, and essential self. It’s the idea that as humans we are individuals, and as individuals there is an underlying reality, a true authentic nature that makes us who we are. That at the center of who we are, is a core self that is comprised of drives, instincts, inner strengths, resources, or inherent qualities such as goodness, intelligence, sexuality, or creativity.
This idea has become so prevalent in our culture that it has achieved a taken for granted status, particularly in the realms of popular psychology, spirituality, self-help and coaching. In my talk, I explore the ways in which this idea can at times be extremely helpful in certain contexts, but how it can also become a harmful double-edged sw...
Last week, Laura Brady--founder of The Nourished Homeand one of my dearest friends from college—interviewed me about my UnStuck Your Story work. It's definitely a conversation you don’t want to miss!
Here are some of the themes we touched on:
When you're really stuck or struggling with a particular problem story, it’s important to know that it’s not you that needs to be "fixed," but instead your story that needs revising.
The ways that women judge or compare themselves to the dominant stories that our society has about motherhood and some practical steps you can take to move beyond their influence and find a more joyful, and freeing approach to mothering (You’ll get to hear our shared personal stories about this issue).
The powerful story of the "Martyr" and how you can go from ‘giving too much’ to achieving a balance between empowered and aligned care giving
What it really means to live a life of purpose and have a posi...
The last several weeks have been busy: moving to a new apartment, various public speaking events, developing the business, hosting visitors from out of town, managing a teething toddler in the throes of on-going growth spurts—you get the point! As the dust started to settle a bit, my husband, Dave, and I finally got the chance to sit down and discuss the next possible moves for our UnStuck Your Story work. Our plan thus far has been to get my one-on-one work with clients up and running, with Dave supporting from behind the scenes, followed by a shift of focus onto couple’s work, which we would do together.
The recent launch of our business this past Spring was a big deal for both of us, but particularly for Dave, who had been desperate to leave behind an unfulfilling career as a chef that was pushing the 18-year mark. Thankfully, just before the birth of our son (almost two years ago) Dave was able to leave the restaurant industry and lan...
A client recently asked me if I thought that any Story can get UnStuck.
My quick answer was an emphatic, YES! I definitely believe that any story can get Unstuck.
Now with that said, there are 3 important points that we must take into consideration.
Point #1 – Gradual versus Instant Change:
Again, as I said to my client, I truly believe that any story can be changed, re-framed, re-interpreted, or re-authored. However, the amount of time and energy that it takes to reclaim your life from a particular story will most certainly vary from person to person and story to story. I’ve seen some problem stories dissolve almost instantaneously, simply with the introduction of a previously unconsidered point of view or a novel interpretation of circumstances that allowed individuals to story themselves, or others, in a completely new light. On the other hand, I’ve also worked with stories that took a long time to tease apart; stories that required...
In the name of transparency—acknowledging that nobody has all their shit together, even the people that help other people get their shit together—I’d like to give y’all a little taste of how one of my personal Fear Stories tries to butt its way into my day to day. Basically, it offers me helpful little gems like this.
• How are you going to pay your bills working for yourself?
• You need to be making more money!
• It’s unrealistic to think you can make enough money
doing what you love.
• You need to stop dicking around and get a real job!
• Holy mother! Who’s gonna take care of you when the rent is due?
• You’re gonna end up on the streets or in debtor’s prison, so you might as well just lay down and die right now!
In this first video, Jess and Dave discuss one of the first conflicts they worked through as a couple, regarding Dave's "Negativity Storms." In the second video they discuss how the concepts of Gender Equality & the Nuclear Family actually became problematic after the birth of their first child.
For years I was controlled by the whip of Perfectionism. She kept constant watch, always making sure that I lived up to her impossible standards. No matter the circumstances, I was expected to display not just a hilarious wit, a dazzling intellect and a spotless apartment, but also a perfect figure to boot. If ever I slipped, showing even the slightest sign of needing help, emotional vulnerability, disorderliness or slackness in the maintenance of my body, she would instantly pounce, shaming me back into line. Her chastisement included a repertoire of predictable phrases such as, “swallow that feeling, get over it, clean that up, get your shit together, you don’t need their help or with the way you’re looking, you can’t afford to skip the gym today!” And because she had so thoroughly bewitched me into believing that she was the only way to get what I wanted in life, I faithfully did her biding. I kept my feelings on a short leash, I never...